So last you heard about my health and personal journey, was the very last night in the Health Clinic for me.
Leaving the Health Clinic and heading home was supposed to give me the chance to finally settle back into normal life and put aside any of the drama/stressors that have impacted my life for the last decade for a little bit until I was ready and more equipped to deal with them.
Unfortunately, the best-laid plans with the best intentions do often end up going horribly wrong and so once again, I have had a number of kicks to the guts over the last 4 days.
Day 1
A sleep-in was most welcome though it was bloody cold. I had a strong reluctance to get out of bed which given the last 50 days was entirely understandable.
Unfortunately whatever plans I had for a relaxing day were washed away when I was informed that my Grandfather was no longer eating or drinking. The shock of that saw me in tears and then heading out with my family to a Book Sale and then Food Shopping. While shopping, I nearly had another breakdown of tears in the supermarket and it took a great level of restraint to keep the tears hidden.
In hindsight, I probably pushed myself too hard the first day out!
Day 2 Another sleep in but yet again I seemingly didn't learn my lesson from the first day.
When I finally stumbled out of bed, I was informed that my Grandfather had passed away. I was definitely in shock which explains the lack of rational reasoning that then followed. Instead of taking it easy and trying to process, I made my way to a shopping centre to pick up some things for me. While a bit of retail therapy never hurt anyone, in this instance, it was used to distract from the heartbreak I was feeling.
By the end of it, I was exhausted having kept myself from breaking down in the middle of the shopping centre but whatever way you look at things...the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you look up that definition, it has my face written over it.
Day 3 HONESTLY!!! This was getting bloody ridiculous.
Yes, I know we were moving into a stage of trying to figure out what was happening with my Grandfather's funeral but that suddenly led to more issues as I realised I was about to run into a medication problem and I wasn't sure how to navigate it. I spent a portion of the day emailing and calling and trying to get to the bottom of how I could get out of the mess I was facing, knowing that I had to cancel an appointment and then suddenly face a number of days without the required medication so I can actually function. I mean, HOW DARE I TAKE MEDICATION TO TRY AND FUNCTION?
I couldn't get a hold of anyone and messages were either not responded to or passed on which left me scrambling and it safe to say that by the end of the day, I'd just about had enough.
I know we can't account for a family death and funeral but all this crap could've been avoided if the right thing had been done to start with. Add to that suddenly working out schedules and how I would be getting to and from the funeral and frankly, the reaction below summed up my day
Day 4 It's official! When I am rich and making lots of money (one day I hope), I am hiring someone to do all my life admin.
Today was absolutely ludicrous.
It turned into a day of firing off emails left, right and centre trying to get parts of my healthcare to actually start working with each other to solve an issue.
It should not be as hard as it seems to be to switch psychiatrists and equally it shouldn't be as hard as it is to try and access an emergency supply of a particular medication so I don't have a 10-day shortage before an appointment. There's honestly gotta be a more simple way to deal with this issue and it shouldn't require outrageous amounts of paperwork.
The good news is by the end of the day, I now have the old psychiatrist and the new clinic talking to each other.
The bad news is I'm still waiting on further advice from the psychiatrist that treated me while I was in the health clinic. This is despite the fact I left a message with them yesterday and have emailed them today.
All I can say is this:
When I left the health clinic to head home and settle back in, I anticipated a period of struggle adjusting to being back in the outside world full-time. I anticipated that there would be moments of weakness where I would struggle to maintain my composure. I anticipated that I would have a few days when I could actually rest and try to process everything that has happened.
Instead, I've come back out and almost immediately I've had - Family Death - 2 Days Out Shopping - Medication Issues - Scrambling To Organise Travel to the Funeral
Settling back in wasn't supposed to be this difficult at all!!!
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